Meanwhile at preschool, Ms. Tyler is trying to teach a lesson on letter sounds. “The P says Pa, the P says Pa, Every letter makes a sound the P says…”
Ms. Tyler stops because one of my students is tackling another student and trying to give that student a wet willy. Now, that I got that under control, “The Q says…” It is state mandated that I teach my student letter sounds.. and as far as I remember life cannot always be Disney World.. as the Great Benevolent Qveen would sing, “No one’s always poppin’ champagne”.
Then seconds later.. I start explaining to my students how rain works… I start drawing a diagram of the water cycle… and no joke… all 15 summer school students gaze at me like they are meeting Marshall from Paw Patrol (apparently he is a big deal with the 4 year old crowd). Their jaws are wide open. They were all catching flies. For 15 minutes, I do a lesson while they watch in amazement.
When I was six years old, I remember running down the stairs on Christmas day to a tree filled with toys, and the sight of my mom with a big smile. That day my mom allowed us to ride our new scooters in the house (which was very unlike her). As someone that idealized Otto from Rocket power, I was hitting the rails and “woogity” all day to my imaginary friend, I named “friend.” Then mom fed us some really tasty food. I remember that being one of the many magical moments of my childhood.
Sadly my magic dust begins to fade, after my mom passed. To be fair, it ran out slowly after she died. Being 11 years old, I had no clue what the repercussions of our loss really meant for our family. At first, I still felt like a normal kid… slowly I realized my life was not all that normal.
I attended a private Christian school. I am not here to knock private, Christian or schools… I meet cool and kind people everywhere I go.. I am against however.. 1. Outcasting the “troubled” kid 2. Speech of “You better pray that gay away!” “Gays go to hell” “We love all.. but any life style that is sinful, is a sinful lifestyle”.. shall I go on?
Now, getting outcasted in middle and high school is a tricky subject. Most of the time people do not just come up to you and say, “we are out casting you”… but no shit.. that actually happened to me a couple of times! I legit had other students tell me that they could not hang out with me because of who I am and because of who my family is… these are people I thought were my friends.
When my mom was still alive.. I still remember my first day of Sunday School at that new fancy church that sang opera. I had played church basketball with some of the girls from this church, but I did not know much about them. I did remember accidently breaking a girl’s glasses during practice.. I apologized! I was super shy but when I played sports I was aggressive and wanted to win! I think that might be why the coach (another player’s dad) made a play called “pass it to Morgan”… however, my little brain did not think that would be a later problem for me…
Anyway, I walk into Sunday school for the first time and no lie.. the girls are in a circle… One girl from my basketball team looks at me and then looks back at the group, and then back at me, and then back to the group…
She asks her friends, “Do you like that Morgan girl?”
In Mean Girl unison , “nooooooooooooooo”
Needless to say, I would from that day on go to Sunday school with my parents. Honestly, the joke was on those girls cause the parents Sunday school had donuts and juice!
*Plug: There is in my opinion between sheltering your child to the point that they miss out on good opportunities and people… I am a good person and so the people that were not allowed to hang out with me missed out. Plus it made for some solid character development for me 😉 ISOLATION IS USUALLY WHEN KIDS DEVELOP UNWANTED BEHAVIORS, so isolating me was a super dooper swell idea!*
As the NOTORIOUS B.I.G. would say:
“It’s all good, That’s right, ’94 And on and on, and on and on, You know very well, who you are, Don’t let ’em hold you down, Reach for the Stars”
_____________________________________________________
Anyways, after being called “stupid”, outcasted and told by my guidance counselor “that I was not college material, do not apply”, my self-worth was not that great after graduating from THE BLH… But that is cool.. my self-worth would start reappearing after many years of hard work.. and I think I had to go in the cocoon for a while to be the bad ass butterfly I am… What worries me is the future generation. Yes, I understand it is 2023, and that does not mean a lot to me. Unfortunately, different year, same bullshit for many. I hear and see it all the time.. You cannot convince me otherwise..
During my years in the cocoon, I actually lived under a rock. I did not watch many movies. It was hard for me to make friends. No one was there to teach me social norms.. I think I wore khaki pants with my hair down to basketball practice once.. Oh and I still find it hilarious that I thought “Simi formal” meant a “nice” Clemson sweater with jeans…. showing up to that party like that still gives me a chuckle in a good way.
However, coming out of the cocoon was and is phenomenal and life changing. Once I realized that gratitude for literally the smallest parts of life, can rewire your brain, I could not stop.
For years, my brain was being wired in a destructive way… flooded with the stress hormones Cortisol and others, which long term can actually destroy parts of the brain (EX. hippocampus, which plays a role in learning and memory).
The EXCITING news, is I found that if the brain can be wired, it can be unwired, and re-wired. To do this, I had to start small..
1. I had to stop thinking that EVERYONE is talking shit about me. Sure.. some probably are, but chances are, it is not as bad as I built up in my head. I try to be like one of my students and use my Social Emotional Learning! If that does not work, I can self-regulate! Marvel idea.
2. When I see something I think is amazing, I stop and go….
3. I dance and I sing (anywhere I feel like no one can hear me singing).
4. I’m thankful and obsessed with my family and wish I could call them to pick me up (just like my mom would pick me up from camp) all the time.. Adulting is hard.
Say you’ll never ever leave from beside me”
5. I love unwrapping new toys! No one should have 3 edgers.. but I do!
6. I love inviting people to my birthday party.. unless they are a jerk to me.. then “you aren’t invited to my birthday party anymore!” 😉
7. I do not care how old I get… I love the feeling after a good swim in the pool or the ocean… I still wrap myself up in a towel, grab some chips and a Dr. Pepper and put on a funny TV show.
8. The excitement I get when I order a refreshing beer or ice coffee = tell a 4 year old you have an extra juice box and ask if they want it.
9. I have empathy for others.. My students are actually super empathetic (when they are not giving each other wet willy’s). They take care of the ENTIRE group.. and if they do not.. Ms. Tyler will get on them.. WE ARE ALL IMPORTANT.. When they see someone is sad, mad or feeling another ‘Big Feeling’, we try to assess the most appropriate action… Maybe that person needs space, an encouraging word or maybe they want or need help.. Usually, all you have to do is ask!
10. People are still trying to teach me social norms. Good luck with that.
11. I love to mediate.. aka when I leave a student alone on the circle rug.. Sometimes I ask them what they are thinking and they just shrug… I feel that.
Speaking of meditation..
A study out of Harvard confirms that meditation can help improve brain health. The amygdala on the left is of a brain that has not meditated and then watched emotional and upsetting material on a device. On the right is the same amygdala after 8 weeks of meditation sessions, and then watching emotional content. The activity is is significantly less.
However, this post is not specifically to meditation or avoiding stress hormones all together. Yes, they are important and they serve specific purposes.. this post is dedicated to re-wiring my brain. All 11 items listed above, are ways that I can obtain and keep dopamine, serotonin and endorphins in my brain to keep my brain healthy and strong.
Dopamine also plays a role in these functions: (people with ADHD sometimes have low levels of Dopamine) DATS MEEEEE 🙂
Dopamine Levels Can Affect:
- learning and attention
- mood
- movement
- heart rate
- kidney function
- blood vessel function
- sleep
- pain processing
- lactation
Also, Serotonin Levels Can Affect:
- memory
- fear
- the stress response
- digestion
- addiction
- sexuality
- sleep
- breathing
- body temperature
AND Oxytocin Levels Can Affect:
- relaxation
- trust
- overall psychological stability
I am not sure how long my second childhood will last, but I will do my best to enjoy every second. I did not spend so much time in a cocoon, not to fly! My life might not always feel the magic of that Christmas back when I was 6… but my brain has not experienced this much relief from life stressors since before my mom got sick. Honestly, I hope my second childhood never ends. I wonder what I’ll be when I grow up!
Reference: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/mindfulness-meditation-practice-changes-the-brain
Bops about Living Life with Child Like Joy
Boppinwithaborderline 
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