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I love writing because it excites me. I never know which words my brain will choose to put down on paper. I believe this is exciting to me because I constantly have racing thoughts. In conversations, I have been told the following:
-you mumble
-you jumble your words
-you do not just get to the point (aka you ramble)
-you talk in riddles
And after being told each statement (the first time), I by my own introspection said, “huh, I do?”
First, I accepted how I spoke. I do like I usually do and stick my middle finger to the air. However, like most people, I found that my perspective was not serving me in a healthy manner and it was time to change. I found that in order to connect with others in the way that I wanted to, I was going to have to learn how to conversate with people.
For example, I work in a high stress environment. Pre-k is a happy place, but it is also high stress. Early intervention is unique in the sense that we are often the first intervention that families interact with (and I love me a good first impression). My brain works in free flowing thoughts and feelings, however, I had to train my brain to flow in directions that I would not choose for myself.
At staff meetings, when the person is talking, my brain hears “wamp wamp wamp”, so I make a game out of focusing. I apologize if you are reading this, and I have heard your presentation. I am sure it was super interesting. It is a me problem. Anyways, if I focus for 5 minutes, then I get 1 mini twix bar when I get home.
The truth is, it feels literally painful for me to sit still and focus and take things seriously. It is always my brain’s MO to turn things and make them funny. Especially, when it has been a long day and I am tired. I am not saying it is not possible and necessary. It is just hard…. But I can do hard things and so can you!
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Now, there are a lot of reasons why you should not do this because it is not safe, so please look at this example hypothetically.
If my assistant and I stepped out of the room, what would my students do?
In a general education classroom, I imagine the answer would look something like this (just a guess):
-Questions would be asked: “Where is Ms. Tyler?”
-Anxiety might set in for some students that require that adult figure to feel safe
-Some students seeking adult attention to feel safe might act in an unsafe manner (elope, bully)
-Or you might have that kid that was way more mature than me say, “I bet she just went to the bathroom, let’s just wait here like good children until she gets back” 😉
Please take my labels lightly, because in a perfect world special education would look a lot different if I had a say. With that said, in our general education classrooms, we see those behaviors a lot, when teachers remove a little proximity to students that really crave adult attention.
Conversely, in my classroom, the dopamine sources are usually different. Meaning, my students are not typically looking for me if I step away. If I step away, that usually means they are:
-sticking their hand in the toilet and flushing it
Why? Cause its funny and it feels good. My favorite ride at the water park is the giant toilet bowl one.
-Turning on the “adult” sink that they “are not not suppose to touch”
Why? If you ask many humans living with autism, they might say they enjoy the sound and sensory experience of running water. When I was young, I would take 1 hour showers. When I would get out, my brother and sister would ask me what I was doing. I would usually just shrug. The truth is, I would stand there and zone out. Reflecting, I am sure that my dad probably did not know or he would have shut that down due to our water bill.
-Go play with a toy
Why? You know why! It’s fun! LOL
-Climb furniture
Why? Again, it is exciting. I enjoy roller coasters and adrenaline seeking behaviors.
It is my job to understand what makes them excited, and use that to motivate them to want to learn healthy behaviors that will help connect them better to society.
Example: my students may not climb on furniture, but they may ask me to go to the motor lab for a few minutes to climb on some safe climbing equipment.
The magical part of my job is forming connections with my students. Oftentimes by second semester, my students are looking for me when I go on my lunch break. 😉
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Living with adult ADHD is like living in a body that gives false promises. My body is telling me that I want to do a million things and take on the world. My mind is thinking up a million ideas and thoughts. It all sounds fun and exciting, and for the most part it is.
The dark side of my ADHD comes from the juxtaposition of wanting my brain to get the dopamine that it needs to survive on earth, but I also want others to get theirs. To do this, I have to practice mindfulness.
Examples of some mindfulness practices that I use to correct some of the not so glamorous parts of my disorder:
Mindfulness During Conversations
-This one is a kick in the gut for me. I love people and I love to hear what they have to say. I work with so many incredible people every day, and I often really want to hear what they have to say. The problem is that my brain wonders so quickly. I have to be mindful when it wonders and kindly put myself back on track. If I am not kind to myself, shame might creep in (Shame is a waste of time).
Mindfulness During Serious Meetings
-I touched on this earlier. I reward myself for serious meetings. Unless, the topic piques my interest.. Then I might geek out! Life is like a box of chocolates.
Mindfulness When I am Coming Home from Work
-Work is long and hard for many I imagine. Coming home, I have to be mindful of how the craziness of the day is affecting my energy level. I might have had to come home after :
-being yelled at by a parent
-bit by a student
-hearing my grandma has cancer
-flat tire
-bills to pay
In this situation, mindfulness helps me to notice things that are causing my mind to leave a peaceful state. It helps ground me to reality. Because honestly my reality is yes, I do believe that public schools are exploiting entire school districts from top to bottom, because that is part of my daily reality that sucks and needs to stop and get better.
However, other than that mount that I will die on, I am overall super blessed. I am going to put on a timer for 10 seconds and write down as many blessings as I can:
-fiance
-dogs
-job
-coffee
What can you think or write down in 10 seconds that jumps out to you as a major blessing in this moment?
Oh but wait… there is more..
Mindfulness serves me up until a point. Mindfulness in my opinion is the prescription to a problem and the grieving process of a problem.
Just like the billions of people I share this planet with, I have been hit with many life altering problems in my life. Many of them I had to 1. Acknowledge that it was happening and 2. Grieve that this serious of a problem was happening to me
But once I do that, what is next? With my ADHD brain, I am always on the move and always asking, “what is next?”
Resilience Training- A Bullet Proof Mind by Kate Thomas:
Kate Thomas was one of my favorite professors at Charleston Southern University. Very unfortunately for this planet, she passed away on 4/5/22. Her fight for life and bravery to this planet lives on her students, forever.
A 10 Minute Must Watch
60 minute , if you got some time to kill
Boppinwithaborderline 
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